Friday, March 31, 2006
Monday, March 27, 2006
When it comes to crapping, I am now a squatter with his sitting past cast into the crap heap of cultural bias right next to country music is for hicks (country is for all--download five Jason Boland tunes and I defy you to disagree). That's right folks. I'm changing sides.
Let me explain. In
But how can this traditional way exist in a world increasing dominated by western style crappers? I'll tell you folks: the perch. Oh ya, I strip down and hop on the edge of the bowel for a good old squat crap.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Thursday, March 23, 2006
The Oscellated Frogfish (Antennarius ocellatus) is a fish that through eons of selective pressures has evolved to look like a frog. Thus the frogfish is perfectly camouflaged when it’s surrounded by deformed frogs. You see, the predators are color blind so it all works out…
The frogfish uses its long thin dorsal fin like a fishing pole to tempt smaller fish which the frogfish catches.
Monday, March 20, 2006
Friday, March 17, 2006
Oh, my God. There’s been a DraculazombieUSA blog around all this time and I didn’t know about it. I really should have assumed it, but in my defense I’m new to the Internet. How do I double click? Where is the Internet anyway?
To atone for the oversight I’ve added the word “DraculazombieUSA” to my Microsoft Word Dictionary. I’ve never even added a peculiar consonant heavy constellation of letters known as “Schachterle” to that.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
I plan to vote for candidates whose accents most closely resemble my own. Just to give you some idea of this profile: my mother was a Berber and my Papa a Cossack, but I was raised amongst the Saami reindeer herders of artic
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
When I first started the blog I toyed with the idea of not telling any friends. I wanted to thwart the temptation to try impress friends and girls with my razor sharp satire and earth-shattering observations. Biasing blog content by their plebeian tastes would be totally uncool.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Unfortunately for Wasik, smug mockery, especially mockery followed by denial of ones own hip-itude, is the cornerstone of all things hip, and by mocking the mockers Wasik may have made himself into the biggest hipster of all. Did Wasik not simply apply the hipster formula of irony and cuteness above reason, and then take that formula to its logical conclusion? Could the meta-mocker be the smuggest and most nauseating of all hipsters?
The answer is obvious: probably, but who cares? I care because like making mocumentaries about mocumentaries or adding razor blades to disposable razor heads, this could easily spiral out of control. What if someone tries to mock Wasik for mocking hipsters and then someone mocks the guy who mocked Wasik for mocking hipsters and someone mocks that final guy too and then on and on… I could meet the meta-meta-meta-meta-mocker at a party and feel socially pressured to laugh like a Senator forced to applaud at the State of the Union. Oh, I can say I won’t fake laugh now, but if it gets me out of the conversation I’m sure I’ll fake laugh, escape for more drink, and then be left feeling like a washed up, broke whore. What will be left of me then?
Monday, March 06, 2006
I have no time for a real blogging today because I've been busy with the podcast and work. (A pod cast is coming soon.) However I would like to open up a question to the readership: why is the Oscars statue a depiction of a nude warrior knight? I guess the gold part kind of makes sense.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
There’s been a lot happening in my personal life so I haven’t managed to write about one recent surprise. I visited
He walked out to smoke a cigarette and ostensibly wait for my now called-out person. My friends had gotten word of what had happened and were crowding around to prevent fisticuffs. I kept quite until things returned to normal and snuck outside while no one was looking so my crew couldn’t prevent the whooping that need to come down.
I found the hippie right near the bar smoking and blabbing Phish kid dribble to some girl. I pushed him and the rumble ensued. A few body blows were thrown, a bit of wrestling, but all and all it was a very wimpy showing on both sides. Then the bouncer from the bar came out and broke it up. The hippie went off in another direction and I tried to go back in the bar assuming the bouncer wouldn’t let me after my mighty bout, but he did. Apparently the fight was so incredibly lame that it didn’t even register in the bouncers mind as a fight. Alternatively, after seeing my best attempt to mess someone up, the bouncer may have concluded that I was harmless and can safely be granted re-admittance.
Later that night I noticed the hippie had returned. I avoided eye contact with him due to embarrassment still surrounding the failure of our fight. I also avoided the bouncer after it occurred to me he may have mistaken the battle for a make out session.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
I used to let things like that bother me. That's why they used to call me Yo-Yo Head earlier in my career. Now, I don't care what people say or write in the newspapers. I'm not putting anything on the ball. I could see if I had 20 wins that people might say something. I have two wins. Would I only have two wins if I were cheating?[my italics].Tavarez then out does himself:
Everyone has their own preferences. Some people like skinny women, I like fat women. Some people like young women, I like old women. Some people like poor women, I like rich women. Some people like clean caps, I like dirty caps.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
To follow up the last posting with an opinion piece: I’m not so sure about baseball in March. I mean, I’ll watch team
I heard an interesting idea on the ESPN podcast the other day. Someone suggested eliminating the All Star game, which no one would miss, and breaking in the middle of summer for the international tournament. My total ignorance of anything non-American prohibits me from guessing how that might affect non-American leagues, but I like the idea. Other leagues may be willing to rearrange their schedules around