Sunday, October 29, 2006

Daylight Saving

After a great deal of contemplation and consultation with the Smoked Salmon, we at Bluefish Canoe have decided the annual expiry of Daylight Savings Time will result in more light when we wake up in the morning. We base this conclusion on the “fall back, spring forward” axiom. From there we reason that when we wake up at 7:00 AM New Time, it will be 8:00 Old Time, ergo as light as it was at 8:00 AM last week… Or, wait, I can never get this. Is it the other way around? How does my computer know about Daylight Savings?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

A decision is made

I’ve been weighing my options on this question my entire life and I think I finally have an answer. There is no better animal than the fox. It’s not too cutie, but not ugly. It’s laden with symbolism, but not overdone in a Bald Eagle sort of way. It’s the closest thing to Han Solo the animal kingdom can offer. I rest my case.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Alcohol concentrations in beer

There is a surprising amount of confusion on this issue; for instance many beer drinkers don't know that Guinness (4%) has less booze than most American lagers (5%). Check out this site for more info. Note: if your eyes wander to the "Calories" column you are not a man.

The Santorum

From what I understand I was way late on this one, but in an ongoing effort to be in the middle of the curve I give you my little contribution to the Santorum.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Worcester and the Staff of Power

Worcester MA is ahead of the curve again. Community Associated Methicillin Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus (MRSA) has been spotted in Worcester according to a school nurse with whom Bluefishcanoe had connection via a highly unreliable but in this case totally certain source (the mother of all Blue Fish). Community acquired MRSA is a drug resistant form of Staph infection that in its non-hospital associated variant has been known mostly to stylish gay communities in New York and LA. Now Worcester is home to a Nobel Prize winner for medicine a well a MRSA outbreak. What next? Resurgent whooping cough, polio, maybe even Bird Flu… Worcester, the Athens of modern science in both practice and need. Worcester, the Harvard of Massachusetts...

Monday, October 09, 2006

Gay Old Pedophiles (GOP)

In an attempt to shelter even greater numbers under their big tent, the GOP has re-branded their initials to stand for Gay Old Pedophiles (the new GOP). They want their gay, child-lusting constituents to feel as comfortable as the church going set.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

More big news

It’s been a weekend for the little guy. Yankees were knocked out of the playoffs by the Tigers. TO, Parcells, and Bledsoe lost to the Eagles, and the Republicans continue hemorrhage. You might accuse us at Bluefish Canoe of confusing politics and sports again, but we argue there is a common thread here. It’s simply don’t be an asshole. Why can’t TO and Bledsoe shut up for one second while on the sidelines? Every time the camera panned to watch their astonishment at losing again, they were screaming about something at someone. Donovan Mcnabb on the other hand, we was 100 percent cool.

Oh and it goes on. A House member from NY and GOP leader, Thomas “THE REPUBLICAN” Reynolds, aired a commercial where he apologies for not doing enough about Foley (REPUBLICAN-FL). Reynolds admits his hand in the whole sordid cover up, and also admits he informed Denny Hastert (REPUBLICAN) of Foley’s attempts to have sex with young, male, pages insinuating Hastert could have done more to stop the Republican, Mark Foley, from Foley’s attempts to seduce young, male pages. Let the ship sink. It’s every Republican, pederast-conspirator for himself!

And nothing will seal the deal like a media narrative around Republicans losing control of Congress because they’re a bunch of pedophiles who are using the Internet to go after your children. Finally the self-fulfilling media prophecy is not about the Democrats lacking a positive or coherent message, but it’s simply the truth REPUBLICAN = PEDOPHILE = G.O.P. out of a J-O-B.

Remember while you sleep, old Republican men are instant messaging your sons in attempts to seduce them.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Pedophilia = Republican

With every passing moment it becomes more and more obvious. Republicans will make your sons gay. If you want your son to be gay then vote Republican. The blogosphere is at near consensus on this point.

Remember: Pedophilia = Republican.

I call it Pedo-Republican-philia.

Foley’s lawyer announced Foley never had sexual contact with a minor. So how old were his boyfriends? 17? 18 and day? The age of consent in DC is 16 as it is in many States so should we assume Foley had sex with 16 year olds. I hope those kids contact reporters soon because I do believe the Republicans will kill them to keep them quiet.

I’m also sure Hastert knew/should have known about Foley. But maybe fellow House Floridian Katherine Harris knew about Foley as well. A quick google search shows KATHERINE HARRIS HAS NOT TO DENIED THAT SHE HELPED COVER UP MARK FOLEY'S SEX WITH 16 YEAR OLD BOYS. If Katherine Harris knew about Foley, maybe she mentioned it to old buddy Jeb Bush. Maybe Jeb should have reported this behaivor to George. Is someone looking into this?

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

I saw an advertisement today where a guy gets a cat scan. The doctors say he’s fine; then he’s sitting with what I assume to be his significant other and a physiatrist. The significant other is asking the shrink if it’s possible to forget a whole week. The shrink (male) twitches nervously and the guy makes an I forgot a week face.

But what is happening in Vegas? What is Vegas advertising? This is all far to subtle. I still don’t get it…

Last time I was in Vegas all I saw was middle American families. Can marketing make a place sleazy, then wholesome, then sleazy again? Is there still hope for Times Square? Are the marketing people just messing with our minds for the shear pleasure of it at this stage? If this works can we make Baltimore the town for pyromaniac nuns and Worcester the town for female body builders who ride unicycles?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Mets Post Season Hopes

I just heard Orlando Hernandez went down with a strained calf (hurt whilst jogging in the outfield). I believe that leaves John Maine, Tom Glavin, Steve Trachsel, and then Darren Oliver I guess. I'd bet on LA on this one.

Monday, October 02, 2006

To the DNC

Do I have to be the one to say it because I will? Ok, here goes.


Sunday, October 01, 2006

Star Athlete A Finds Trouble,Yet Again

Monday afternoon star professional athlete, A, was caught injecting steroids into his arms, legs, and buttocks while relaxing in a crowded city park. Despite photo and video evidence from a variety of tourists as well as a bewilderingly slow government prosecutor who recovered the needles and empty steroid bottles (jugs really) from the scene and then put them into a secret vault under the Rocky Mountains, A denies steroid use. When reporters asked A about pictures taken with several voluptuous female fans at the time of the incident that showed hypodermic needles still dangling from player A’s calf muscle, A burst into a tirade of profanity. He blamed the media for his problems, then implied his teammates where a fault. Then while slurping from a bottle of Gray Goose and taking a bite from a brick of cocaine like it was an apple, he accused referees, High School geeks, tricky transvestites with nice hair and boob jobs, possibly the Jews (later analyses of the recording proved inconclusive on this point), and his absent father for his shortcomings. A then burst into tears and sped away from the scene in a Hummer while firing shots from an automatic weapon into a near by office building.

Authorities have agreed to drop all charges against A in exchange for an apology from A released by A’s agent where A apologies for uttering harmless statements which were then misconstrued by the media. This has not been a distraction to the team, A's agent added. However, A’s famous coach C has suspended A for one half of Tuesdays practice.

All of this comes in the context of A’s off season trial for selling a nuclear device to a group of known terrorists. Owner, O, bought the courthouse where the trial took place and charged admission to everyone in attendance including the judge leading to the mistrial.

In a twist that no one would have bet on 10 years ago, David Wells appears to be the cleanest professional athlete.