Baseball Games Not Independent: Streaks Maybe Real!

It was long thought by stats nerds that streaks in sports were not real, or at least could be attributed to chance. Any sports fan down to his or her core of course believes in hot hands, hot bats, etc. The statisticians made their argument based on a statistical analysis that assumed that each game was independent of the next. However, it was recently shown by some dude named, Trent Macadder (who I can't find on the Internet), that the games themselves are not independent. This lack of independence throws all the stats out the window, and streaks may again be beyond what can be explained by chance--at least according to the awesome podcast, Radio Lab.

It's here: essential Joe

Joe Biden Shirts

Last summer in the throws of Obama zeal, I signed up for emails from the Obama campaign with perhaps too much earnestness. I check the boxes indicating that I am a white, married, American male who is over 30. From that moment forth, my inbox has been the welcome recipient of many, many emails from Joe Biden, or just "Joe" as I've been encouraged to think of him. I've found Joe to be wonderfully relate-able, not just because the Obama campaign's computer algorithm correctly identified us as a demographic match, but because I feel the Joe glow. It's a special radiance that says 'look at me guys, I'm hanging out with the cool kids.' Joe knows the cool kids are just letting him hang out because of his fake id, but he doesn't care.

I've found a tee-shirt that expresses my feelings about Joe Biden as well as a tee-shirt can. It reads "Joe Biden is my homeboy" and for only $3 extra I am able to order it in mint green.

Newly Found Freaks

Some new underwater freaks were discovered in a trench near Tasmania. For some reason, living in the deep seas makes one evolve see-throughness and/or spikiness.

Murry Hill Song

This is funny. Also the BFC fantasy team scored 10.5 points last night! I didn't even know that was possible in the post-June 1 era.

Don's Seats at Fenway

My father's friend Don, a man of great energy and industry, has access to a woman who's family has had the same season tickets to Fenway on the 3B line since the park opened in 1912. My father and Don recently took in a game from these seats I understand.

Fenway's centennial is coming up. As a sox fan, part of me fears how the Boston sports media will gushingly laud people with 100 year old season tickets as part of an overall strategy on the media's part to make the centennial as cheesy as possible.

LeBron James hits hardest shot in HORSE

LeBron James sinks what I believe to be the most annoying shot in horse, the behind the backboard shot, as fat guys look on.

Annoying Prognosticators

I would like to amend the last post. The most annoying soothsayers are not sports fans or even financiers. It's people who predict the direction of the media in the Internet age.

Well Called!

This winter I picked up basketball and became a three sport athlete (fantasy). One thing I find about succumbing to obsession over my fantasy sports teams on a year round basis is that I think more about predicting things in everyday life. Moreover I notice that I've started taking to gloating in a PTI-esque, which is to say an obnoxious, fashion after making correct calls. For instance two days ago some friends and I were talking about how the Smoked Salmon has to take all these extraordinary precautions because she is pregnant. Another friend of ours who was in the state of pre-drunken euphoria, that most people I know consider to be a great reason to continue their pitiful human existences, butted into the conversation. Knowing that this woman is an expert on female rights issues and health in the developing world, I 'called' that she was going to make a point about Americans being too uptight about pregnancy and too uptight in general... Turns out I was right and I raised my arms in glorious celebration like a quarterback down by 6 completing a third and twenty with a forty yard pass with under 5 minutes to go in the fourth.

Oddly, no one joined me in my celebration.

Could it be that making the right call in polite conversation and celebrating like a jackass is not socially acceptable in mixed company? Could this phenomena be one of the reasons that people in finance are so unbearable?

Obama and Joe Buy a Burger

Obama and Joe went out and bought hamburgers just like regular guys. Awesome as always.

Springsteen Karaoke

Bruce is both the best and worst artist to sing at karaoke. Allow me to explain.

Why he is the worst?

Springsteen's lyrics are very complex especially in the early years. He labored over each word, and although you may have heard the songs a million times, it's possible the last time was quite a while ago. You may not remember them as well as you think you do. As far as reading the lyrics off the karaoke teleprompter, if you're sober enough to read off that thing, you're too sober for karaoke.

Springsteen is known for his style and the texture of his voice, not so much his singing per se. However, he is a professional singer with more experience than you. His songs also have a lot of non-word noises that Springsteen sings--take for instance "oh oo o oo oh" from 'No Surrender.' Drunk dudes will always murder the "oos," "sha la las," and the "woo whos."

Why he is the best?

The songs are just so much fun.

Goals for the Summer

My goal for the summer is to see every summer blockbuster.

Cute Canoe

This picture represents the intersection between the popular, www.cuteoverload.com, (no link required) and this blog.

Facebook Survey

I think I've discovered the perfect algorithm to discover which Wrestlemania you are. I hope to implement the algorithm in a facebook survey. What do you think?

The survey:
What Wrestlemania are you?

Q1: What is your favorite flower?
a. Tulips
b. Queen Ann's Lace
c. Bearded Viola
d. Daisy
e. None of the above

Q2: Euler's constant, or e (~ 0.577215665) is a thing of grand wonder because of its:
a. Simplicity
b. Complexity
c. Utility
d. Beauty
e. All of the above

Q3: On the subject of ecclesiology, The Great Schism, which marked the 'tearing apart of' the Western, i.e. Latin Church, and the Eastern, i.e. Greek Church, in the early medieval and middle medieval periods resulted from:
a. The inevitable divergence of Roman and Greek cultures following the end of the Roman Empire.
b. Those stuffy old Greeks, can't they see that the Roman Church was simply using icons as a conduit to the Holy Father?
c. Have the Romans no bottom to the depths of barbarism which they will descend? First the Filioque clause, and then what, their Pope riding a golden calf? Their minds are no more useful than the brains of sow, or Germans!
d. Write in your own answer_____________

After answering the questions your Wrestlemania will be ascertained by added up your number of right answers and multiplying by 5, or it will be declared Wrestlemania XVII.

My Mac

I've been using a mac for 9 months and it's been a wonderful ride through Spaces and Expose and all the rest. However, I know deep down that when the computers rise up against us, my mac won't protect me.

BFC films

We at BFC-blog have an idea for a film that we are pitching to our subsidiary, BFC-films. It's going to be videos of people doing things they're really good at blind folded. The fun will be, not they're stumbling around, but the natural fluidity of their movements despite the contrived impairment. The possibility of the subject not completing the task will add a natural arch to the narrative in the artificial way underdog sports teams work in Will Farrell movies.

Film 1 in the series will be my uncle fishing with this friend MH. The film will chronicle their day from their morning eye-opener joint, through mid morning beers, to a successful afternoon fish catch. I look forward to their unencumbered, yet blindfolded banter. Film 2: RH fixes a moped and/or rides a snowboard while blindfolded. Film 4: my father in-law goes to a restaurant and has a fight with a waiter while blindfolded. Film 5: my uncle and MH go hunting.

Pay for it Rod

A-rod and hookers and madams. It's too much. Doesn't he understand the drain on the economy that happens every time every sport and/or celebrity fan has to spend a morning on Google News examining his latest exploit. I'm making a call here: the money that A-rod spent on hoookers was AIG bailout money.

Video of Underwater Freaks

It is becoming all too clear that this blog is not the only blog to bring you underwater freak animals. The very fact that I have never been in a working submarine makes that whole thing obligate derivative in every way. You still however can trust BFC to bring you the high level of analysis that you no doubt have come to rely on. For instance, here is a good underwater doc of some old friends.

The house that juice built

Tickets to the new Yankees stadium go for as high as $2,500 for one game. To my great delight, the recently impoverished fanbase isn't paying it. This could the Steinbrenners' crowning debacle.

Shaq nicknames

There have been many comments on the Internet on the subject of Shaq nicknames. The only thing I can add is there once was a Shaq nickname that was tonal. Its was like Shaq La, la. I can't find any clips of it anywhere. It's possible it was forgotten because its complexity can't be captured with Western languages in print. Also I like Shaq nicknames that are themselves trash talk against an individual or team: see Shaqovich, The Big Bannana, and Dr. Shaq.

Pinkie

This post represents a hybrid of two BFC themes: exceptions to natures rules (or I should say "rules") and things borrowed from CH. Thanks again Ms. CH. Link.

Fish Clarification

The things that look like eyes in the picture of the barreleye fish (below) are actually its nose. Its eyes are the green things inside its see-through forehead. Amazingly, it was named after the not so barrel shape of its internal eyes rather than the see-through head.

Have you ever had the feeling that you're a fish with a tranparent head?

video link.

Must Lie Situations: Customs Officials

If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that one must lie to customs officials on principle. They are part-cop, part-bureaucrat, all cold blooded, rule lovers. Like cops, customs officials have a great authority, and equally small brains (lizard-like in body: brain mass I believe). But unlike cops, they have no power to make judgment calls. Their power comes from the faithful application of a dry set of rules, and the rules of the customs official variety never reward honesty. With a cop, if you bullshit him or her minimally you may get on his or her good side and they can let you off. With a customs official, you might as well lie because there will be no additional penalty beyond whatever you had coming pre-lie.

In the trip back from Tanzania, I deviated from this maxim to great woe. The problem was that I was in Amsterdam, and the cool-laid back reputation (really misconception), clogged my vision of a icy, all too Teutonic reality. The customs official asked me if I had any pornography on my computer. My first thought was that she was checking to make sure I had enough porno on my computer, or perhaps suggesting that we make a film. I admitted I did not have any pornography on my computer--and then as an after thought, I said "well, maybe there were a few pictures of my wife on a vacation, but no, in fact, no pornography. No nude photos at all actually." The customs people took that as "yes, I traffic in kiddie porn," and directed me out of the line and into the room of suspected kiddie-porn fiends. Of course, they were all regular dudes eager to get their Amsterdam vice of choice on. We sat in the kiddie-porn fiend detention center while Interpol went through our hard drives. I have 150 GB on my laptop. These guys all had laptops and digital cameras. It suffices to say that we were in the detention center for sometime before we were all exonerated.

And the best part is, literally, in my other hand from the laptop, I had all the blood samples from the Tanzanian malaria cases. And of course, the many CDC permits for said specimen transportation were partly in checked luggage, partly missing in conjunction with KLM's free Heineken, and otherwise wholly in disarray. No notice was ever taken of the blood specimens, and after the porn search I was in no mood to mention them.

BS Report

The Bill Simmons podcast week has been the background for my life for about 4 days. All told, I can listen to him on any subject unless he's paired with someone from the Jimmy Kimmel/Adam Carolla scene.

Jet Log

A friend and I were talking about how jet lag has physiological phases. For me first my sleeping adjusts then eating then everything else. The conversation reminded me of how another friend, CH, coined the term "jet log" for when jet lag messes with your shitting schedule.

Tanzanian Adventures

Among the many strange and wondrous surprises I came across in Tanzania was the legend of a Peace Corps. volunteer who had tattooed a picture of a mustache to the inside of her left index finger. Then when she wanted to impersonate someone with a mustache all she had to do was raise her left index finger to her upper lip. Why didn't I think of that?

He's a witch!

Among the many, many memorable experiences I had in Tanzania over the last few weeks was meeting a witch doctor. I was collecting GPS coordinates in a village with a sizable band of translators, supervisors, and village staffers. We approached a home on the outskirts of the village. An old man came out and told our crew he was a witch. A westerner translator who was with us later explained to me that he used a word that actually meant "witch doctor" and was not to be confused with another Swahili word that translates more closely to "traditional/herbal healer." The man was friendly and invited us into his hut for lunch. The staff politely declined the offer explaining that we were too busy, and we left. I noticed the witch dr. had a tortoise in a large cage. I have long believed that tortoises and turtles might have magical properties and I consider this suspicion confirmed.

Hudson River plane

I heard they raised that plane out of the Hudson with the force.

Hayes Carll Show Part II

I met Hayes briefly at the bar between sets one and two. I told him that my uncle almost came down from Maine to see the show. He replied, "ya, that's being in a band," making clear he didn't quite hear me. It was awesome. He also asked me for the time.

Hayes Carll Show

The Hayes Carll Show last night was sublime. I didn't even mind that he repeated songs from the first set in the second set, botch a song because of the arses trying to mosh in front of me, and that Union Hall in a characteristically dickish move made me and the two other super fans who attended both sets buy separate tickets for each set (by nights end I managed to purchase 4 tickets to one show--all for a good cause). From his witty between song banter to his mocking a drunk guy dancing ("its takes years for some people to get to that level... I can't dance either, well, no need to elaborate on that"), to his live show intensity and perfect rendering of his songs both new and old, that is, first album, second and third, Hayes was awesome!

Bush Pardons

What crazy people do you think Bush will pardon now that he's in full bailout of the White House mode? Maybe Plaxico?

According to this article (and I don't vouch for it's validity, but will link to it), Bush has already pardoned a bunch of hunters including one who poisoned a bald eagle in a turkey saving, coyote killing zany mix up with strychnine .

Raccoons invade Germany

The Germans brought the first raccoons to Europe in the 1930s. They called them Waschbaeren, or "wash bears," because they wash so frequently (by European standards). During an allied bombing raid, a German raccoon farm was damaged and the raccoons escaped, or rather, were liberated. Over the next 80 years they have been multiplying and maundering over the continental countryside. Recently, they've been moving into German towns, and the Germans have found themselves unable to defend against the 20 lbs. furry menaces. A German family reported trying to expel raccoons from their chimney by smoking them out, then playing loud music, and finally in step far surpassing their previous efforts in imagination and sophistication, the German family electrified their gutters. The raccoons were undeterred.

Price of Lobsters

The price of Maine lobsters has dropped precipitously. According to Big Steve, when the Icelandic banks failed, the lobster processing plants in Canada got in trouble, and somehow the price of lobsters went through the floor. Thus lobster is cheap, and we should buy them because it will help the lobster market, and because they taste good and are... cheap.

Will this economic crisis show no mercy? When will it abate?

Big Steve is weathering the crisis well. Indeed, he killed a deer with his 308 in his backyard yesterday and is ecstatically happy.

Swordfish

Sharks have a lot of street cred for all their seal and surfer eating, but I believe the swordfish to be the biggest badass of the seas. The shark is a thug, while the swordfish has style. The shark is Chris Penn as Nice Guy Eddie, while if fish had wallets, the swordfish's would say 'Bad Mother Fucker' on it. And if any more proof is needed, then I'd submit that the swordfish is faster than the mako shark. Moreover, in the event a mako can catch a swordfish, then the smaller swordfish can kill the mako with, what else but its sword!

The swordfish fits into this section on exceptions to nature's rules because it's warm blooded. It can heat up its eyes and brain and go into a fish turbo mode. Note: it heats its brain, rather than its fins or sword, because the brain is the greatest weapon of the underwater badass.

I guess this says it all

link 1 link 2

Cat reproduction

Keeping on the animal weird sex theme established in the last posting, we have a weird one from a species both near and beloved: the house cat. It's one dirty bitch. Once a female cat and a males cat ehhem... do it, and the female gets prego, the female cat can keep looking for new males and get double pregnant by a different dude. With most non-cat species, once an egg gets fertilized the whole system goes into to baby mode and stops producing fertilize-able eggs. However there's no particular reason to shut down normal reproductive stuff at conception especially if a species has multiple babies per litter and the first round of babies/kittens is only a few days post consception. After ehhem... conception round 1 female cats go out and actually try super hard to get pregnant again and so kittens of the same litter can be half sibs.

Weird Animals

Here at BFC we're rule breakers and we like it when animals do the same. For instance, there have been 2 documented cases of female sharks reproducing by parthenogenesis. My understanding of the virgin births is that two haploid eggs merged to form a diploid baby shark.

Political Mucrucking at Its Finest

This appears to be what we're up against.

Obama & Springsteen

I have been a Springsteen fan for as long as I can remember. I loved 'Born in the USA' but I also hung with him through 'Lucky Town' and other woeful attempts to play rock and roll without the E Street Band. I even was cool when Bruce himself started shutting down beer sales at his Meadowlands show at 7:30 PM. However, I would hope he expresses himself at Obama rallies through popular songs, and not with controversial songs, and definitely not through stream of consciousness monologue.

Coming Attraction

After the election, I'm planning an exceptions to biological rules series. For instance, warm blooded fish and asexual reproduction in unlikely animals. It'll be good.

I'm watching the Obama 1/2 hour ad now. Also good.

This feels like...

To put this election into words I can understand, this feels like 2004 after we beat the Yankees and took the first game against the Cardinals. I have the sense that victory should be ours, but it is likely that what should happen may not, and in its place something I don't want to think about.

Ice sculpture meltdown

Some kids made an ice sculpture in lower Manhattan that, given the temperature of around 40 degrees, is expected to melt in about a day. Good one guys.

Politifact

This site, though not particularly well named, is good for election fact checking. It's also fairly objective. Turns out the 'Palin makes women pay for rape kits' story is not really black and white.

Of course, it also turns out McCain/Palin get the pants on fire rating all the time, and even more so recently.

Debate III

Just watched debate 3. Ohh ya!

Where am I from digitally?

I often find myself startled, nay terrified, by my phone vibrating on a table in an otherwise quiet room. Does that make me a digital immigrant? I'm probably not a digital native (born 1978), but I've always liked to think of myself as a digital Dutchman. Could I at least be from digital El Paso?

"God Bless America"

There is no point fighting it. Like skidding on black ice, reacting too strongly only makes it worse. I've taken to singing along whenever possible, and at least for my favorite part, the climatic, crescendo of schmultz, the "oceans white with FOAM!"

Google, how dare you

Despite rumblings over corporations and their computer's supposedly impending omniscience, I marvel at Google's failure to directly advertise to me. Google clearly needs a Steve Goodman lecture on the problems of applying modern statistics in general and population based means in particular to individuals. A recent ad was just insulting. It was for a cricket website -- reasonable enough -- but the link read, "Real Men Play Cricket: Baseball Is for Boys." During the playoffs no less...

Okkervil River

This is one wicked good band. http://www.okkervilriver.com/

Contest

There have been several palindromic dates recently (like 10/02/2001), but there were none in our grandparents generation. The first person to post the most recent palindromic date that occurred before our lifetimes to the comments section will receive a bag of my favorite all around candy, Mike & Ikes Berry Blast (figure 1)--it's like real fruit but better. I will send the candy to you on my dime via United States Post. Note: over my dead body will Mike & Ikes be mailed to anyone who tries to post a date in day/month/year. Only good only American month/day/year dates will be considered.

Figure 1:

The Bunk

When I was in my twenties, young, brash sapling that I was, I secretly snubbed cat owners. Girls I knew would go on and on about cats rejecting their medicine, and how their cat was the craziest cat in the world. Deep down I worried that it was an admission of the reality of the 'biological clock'. Moreover, how could all their cats be the world's craziest? (Being a largely female contingent they lacked the imperative to find who really was number 1.)

Now that I am a cat owner and a ripened 30 years of age, I've come realize, hypocritically, that I have the craziest cat (Fig 1) in the world. If not the craziest, he is at least the greatest slob of the feline species. May I suggest this litany provides some evidence of my claim:

1. He sleeps on his back hind legs splayed; it's obscene (Fig 2).
2. He ate a controlling interest in a plastic bag.
3. He eats pasta.
4. He drinks from the toilet.
5. He once drank part of an espresso.
6. He pushed over a pint glass.
7. He pushed over a pile of magazines.
8. He pushed over a couch.
9. To get into my bedroom to sleep on my pillow, he broke down a French door.

Figure 1: The Bunk Sitting

Figure 2: The Bunk Sleeping

Mainetoberfest link

I declare this the official link of Mainetoberfest.

Sarah Palin: Folk Hero

I can't take it! Democrats are letting this, Palin, become a folk hero. Everyone knows she lies, everyone knows that she supported the Bridge to Nowhere, everyone knows she overstated the progress on her pipeline. But when the Democrats rely on the media to fact check these insane claims the story appears on the back pages. Look at this story on and ad claiming Obama "supporting sex ed for kindergartners" (as it turns out Obama supported education on teaching children to avoid sexual predators and other age appropriate education). If democrates come out and say "Palin is a liar", then that's a huge story, reported everywhere, and Palin must address it directly. But the actually candidates need to speak the words, not the media, to make it an issue. It's just 4 words. Someone please, say it: Palin is a liar.

Your Obama Tax Cut

Some kid genius in my Hopkins Students for Obama group made this. It calculates your tax savings under Obama's tax plan compared to McCain's. I might not trust it to do my taxes but I like it nonetheless.

Super Buds for Super Bugs

Weed kills MRSA! Some coolass Italians got onto this one. Well done boys.

Cat BMI follow up

I've combed the Internet and spoken to several vets and evidently there is no universally accepted way to calculate cat BMI. The closest is a method involving back leg circumference and back leg length. It's totally stupid because cats store fat around their stomach. It's also surprisingly hard to figure out where a cat's leg starts. The hind appendages merge quite smoothly with the cat butt. The feeding direction on cans of cat food suggest 1 oz of food per pound of cat. My cat weighs 20 lbs and a can of cat food only holds 5.5 oz so my cat would need to eat 3 1/2 cans of food a day. Clearly that's too much cat food for me and I think too much for my cat. Humm...

Jüctencriedden

A friend of mine, the Monstrous Falafel, used a great German word the other day: jüctencriedden. How could a man who speaks no German use a word that was understood by a group of people who also speak no German, you ask? How did we even know it was a German word? Allow me to define the word and its authenticity will be self-eveident.

jüctencriedden \YUK-tin-CRI-den\, gender neuter, noun:
1. The scenario whereby one is hanging out with his wife and one of his wife's female friends who has brought along her new boyfriend. One feels pressure to hang out with the new boyfriend due to ones shared gender. The new boyfriend turns out to be a bit of a douche bag, and this goes unrecognized by your wife because of the convenience of putting the dudes together while she socializes with her friend. Inevitably, the douche bag new boyfriend does not like sports and becomes aggressive at any mention of professional baseball.

Sea Urchin

Since the early 1980s lobstermen in Maine have supplemented their income by diving for sea urchin which they sell to Japanese restaurants. Locally, sea urchin are known as "whore's eggs." Last week on a visit to Maine, I asked lobstermen M.H. why they gave that nickname to the seemingly already derisively named sea urchin. M.H. replied, "because that's what they look like."

McCain's foreign policy

In this very short article written in May, Fareed Zakaria outlines how foreign policies under Obama and McCain might differ using actual policy statements made by the candidates. The article foreshadows the strong words McCain used against Russia this week, and explains how the logical extensions of those words might play out. For instance, McCain supports thowing Russia out of the G8 and isolating China. FZ explains real differences so simply. If you think engaging your enemies diplomatically can prevent war, vote for Obama. If you'd like to undo presidents Nixon and Reagan's greatest foreign policy achievments, and live in a more polarized, paranoid world, then you should vote for McCain.

Strange Maps

May I divert your attention to a far superior blog.

Gold: It's not just for teeth anymore

If there is someone keeping track of this (and I'm sure there is), Baltimore may produce athletes with unprecedented numbers of medals this year. Michael Phelps is from Rogers Forge which is basically part of Baltimore. This website lists other B-more Olympians but somehow misses Carmelo Anthony. Carmelo Anthony has a special place in the heart of the city thanks to his many marijuana related scandals and his community outreach on behalf of the stop snitching movement.

By Popular Demand: The D-Man in Action

Here he is. My old prof turn internationally renown loon, the vertical farmer himself.

Mayor of Detroit

The sitting mayor of Detroit, Kwame Kilpatrick, was recently jailed for violating his parole by going to Canada. He intends to continue running the city from jail pledging "the government will function as usual." As a sometime resident of Baltimore, it pains me to hear news of another city taking on greater shame than B-more. And what about Worcester, how have we never thought of this?

Prez Poll

For something nicely uplifting, check out the USA Today interactive, and click on northern Red States. Can we elect members to the Electoral College based on the derivative of polling curves? It looks like S. Carolina may even be slightly blue.

Zink

It's time for Charlie Zink. I love Clay Buchholz, but Wake and Zink would be awesome together. As if this was a real blog, I will call them Wink.

Worst Acronym Ever

The aids linked to injection drug experience (ALIVE) is a study bent on annoying every junkie in Baltimore. It's also the most awkward and cruelly ironic acronym ever. However, for the participants for whom the title will not apply in the very near future and who are very much aware of that possibility, the acronym maybe forgivable. The men have already been asked if they're men and the women already asked if they are in fact women so we know the participants to have senses of humor at least.

Cat BMI

Does anyone how to calculate a cat BMI? I'm concerned my cat is fat, but then again, I don't really know what he should weigh.

The Critical Mass Dude

I'm not a big fan of Critical Mass.  As a cyclist, I think they do more harm than good for cycling in NYC.  But this guy nearly got killed.  He's ok, and headed for a big pay out.  Make of it what you like via BL... 

Doe Bay

The Smoked Salmon and I observed many differences between east coasters and our countrymen in the west.  Most notably they live much further west than we do.  We had a great time in Seattle.  We went sailing which inspired me to begin planning the construction of a transatlantic wooden sailing vessel.  I will paint her black with red sails and name her the Black Platypus.  

From Seattle we went to Doe Bay in the San Juan Islands.  We stayed at a little hippie resort in a yurt with clothing optional mineral baths.  Blessedly the dominant mineral was Chlorine.  I observed a steady dynamic equilibrium of 1 hot young hippie chick to 10 old hairy hippie dudes.  If 1 hot hippie chick was in the pool and an eleventh old hippie dude arrived, then one of the old hippie dudes, unable to bare the hideosity of the aged hippie male form, would leave the pool.  If a second hot young hippie chick arrived, ten more hippie dudes followed.

Otherwise, the place was charming.      

A Pacific Northwest Kind of Glee

The Smoked Salmon and I have ventured further north and west than we had even anticipated. From Seattle we moved to the San Juan Islands and from there, Vancouver and Whistler. We're tan and so high on skinny dipping in mountain lakes followed by hiking to snowy mountain peaks and butt sledding that we can barely stand it.

I didn't realize how happy I could be (and conversely how unhappy I was in my normal life in New York). I was so unhappy. Deeply darkly morose and unhappy. Bambi after his mother died unhappy. I was simultaneously manic and depressive, both passive and aggressive--depraved, perverted, retarded/totally-tarded...

Vacation

Smoked Salmon and I are heading off to Seattle to visit a friend and hang out. Bunk the Cat (up to 23.4 lbs.) is staying with a friend under the premise that he will hunt the mice that have infested his home. I once saw Bunk run from a cockroach. Happy hunting.

World Wide Telescope

Check out World Wide Telescope: http://www.worldwidetelescope.org/. It's like Google Earth, but for everything besides the Earth.

Cat

My cat is down from 25 lbs. to a handsome 22.8!

The Sixties

The 1960s, I believe, to be the most overrated decade in our history. I once saw a documentary where an old hippie announced that the 1968s Democratic National Convention "was the closest we've ever come to a civil war in this country."

Fishy Fish

I'm on a kick to eat fishier fish. They're more healthy, cheaper, and better for the environment. Eating greasy fishy little fish limits fishing boat travel time because little fish live close to shore, and it reduces incidental dolphin killing--one's net cannot mistake a poggie for a dolphin. Moreover the little SOBs are so numerous they're nearly impossible to over-fish. To this end, I had a bagel with pickled herring this morning. It tasted so terrible I couldn't finish it. That's the downside, fishy fish don't taste good.

However eating fishy fish does have one advantage laking in so many things that are good but taste bad. In my own debatably warped view of the universe, eating fishy fish is more badass than eating non-fishy fish. Thus I will plod on in this endeavor.

Geek-Fake

I believe "geek-chic" to be an oxymoron. Being smug does not equal being socially maladjusted. Oh, I hear people claiming to be music geeks and sports geeks and I'm able to stomach it, but I heard someone claim to be a yoga geek the other day and it drove me out of a blogging slumber. Geeks are among other things authentic, and people should not trade on the geek name to lend some credibility to their affectations. I spent a semester of undergrad at a small engineering college, and I can say that true geek status is nothing to self-apply.

"Geekiness" can be defined as a sad inability on the part of some people to relate to other people, and a worrying apathy towards the prospects of doing so. Pastimes of the geek are secondary to social problems; however it follows from the very definition of the geek that those pastimes must be consistent with social isolation. Music, sports, and yoga are typically collaborative at least in practice and therefore off the itinerary of the proper geek. The geek social state is exacerbated by gender differences so inter-gender relationships are particularly difficult for true geeks. In turn, Internet porn, and Internet games where people never meet, but instead virtually kill each other while checking out attractive digital women are real geek pastimes. But God bless geeks. Where would we be with out them?

In a sort of unrelated note, I think there are many more male geeks than female geeks, but true female geeks have it worse.

Fart on the duck

I could watch this all day.

Shaughnessy

I thought that nothing could damper my morning so allowed myself to read Dan Shaughnessy's article . I was wrong and was reminded of the potency of the jinx gods. Shaughnessy has not got this message of course (he refers to the Red Sox as "Kings of New England" and Schilling as "master") --hopefully his writing is too unbearable for the jinx gods to read. The theme of the article seems to be that true Red Sox fans should feel that our victory is inevitable. I fear Shaughnessy more than Gagne.

How sweet it is...

He's thinking, bring it!

General Strike

Don't go to work, don't buy stuff, still vote on 11/6. I'd do it.

Let's Go Myanmar: The BFC Travel Guide

I was talking to the housemate last night about where he might go on a youthful, traveling venture he is planning. I suggested Americans are most welcome in trashier countries worldwide and especially the trashy countries in Europe. He pointed out there are plenty of slobs in France and Italy, two countries where Americans are certainly not well liked, and I had to concede the point.

I came up with a new theory. People who are nice individually are often are dicks collectively, and vice-versa, dick countries on a global stage tend to have very friendly individuals. Take our own country, the USA. We're a wonderful people, but thanks to the Bush family, our good name has been smeared irretrievably, or at least for this decade. Now take the French: horrible one on one, but clear thinking and even benevolent internationally. The Canadians: often annoying individually, but pleasant as a country. Then consider the Yugoslav nations. We just had another delightful housemate from Bulgaria return home. We were all sad to see him go. These people are both friendly and surprisingly cool and hot, but lets face it, their leaders like to fight. The Brits, in the middle, and in the middle as always.

The mechanism for this relationship between nice people/jerk country is still forthcoming, but we at BFC believe it has something to do with nice people being too nice to prevent the jerk minority from taking over. A desire for power is certainly a key component of the asshole character, whereas nice people are better at working collectively. However, in asshole countries, people rightly assume their countrymen are also assholes, and they are able to cancel out the asshole majority, giving the nice minority a chance to run things. As a tourist, you experience a country as a collection of individuals rather than a group. Therefore, following this logic through, the housemate should go to Myanmar. Bon voyage!

Note about previous post

By 'Delia's Video Is Gone' I mean exactly the opposite. Delia's Video is right here.

Delia's Video Is Gone

A lot of people know the Johnny Cash Hurt video, but I've found some people aren't aware of the Delia video. Check it out.

Halloween

The Smoked Salmon has decided on her Halloween costume: Sexy Hamster.

The Dude

My housemate was watching Dr. Strangelove the other day. I pointed out some of the characters were based on historical figures. As house old man, I fogie out like this often. I feel it's my job. Never one for subtly, the housemate took this to mean the movie itself was a non fictional, historical reenactment. At the end of the film, when there is a nuclear holocaust, he asked me if that happened as well. I explained that the Cold War blessedly never went hot, and the human race avoid annihilation from the entire period from the end of WWII to 1989. He nodded, taking note of the information.

Bad Dog

I just saw a commercial where a stoner High School girl enters her kitchen and her dog, speaking in English, asks her to stop smoking pot. The dog whines and whines asking the girl where his best friend went, why does she have to smoke pot, why can't she stop, bla, bla, bla... The girl looks ashamed and sulks into the adjoining room.

This exact thing happened to me in High School too. When my dog asked me to stop smoking pot, I just said I'll stop smoking pot when you stop eating poop. That shut him up for a few years.

Panic

Lead of 1.5 games. Can one New Englander adhere to convention and round up? The Sox brass seems to be employing the Rocky Balboa strategy--disinterested in the division race, assuming at least a wild card, and resting key players while the league tires from pummeling us. The thing is we have no control and Sox management does. We are passengers on a Jet Blue flight and the pilot has let lose and circled the Hamptons*, upside down, while in line to land at JFK. We're freaking out! We must resort to time honored superstition to regain a false, but therapeutic sense of power over our own destiny. In said tradition, I recant the reference to "teaching a class" in the last post and admit that I am only a Teaching Assistant with a lab section. I was assisting the teaching of a class.


*Hallowed birthplace of Yaz--worthless sandy suburb and totally inferior to the Maine coast in all ways

House Senior (Official)

I thought that while the Smoked Salmon is off in glamorous NYC, I'd squander the remains of my youth and good looks down here. However what remains to be squander has recently been called into question. My early 20s German girl housemate announced the other day that she was going to "make party," and suggested it might be best for me to be working late during party. I protested, and she explained she'd love it if I attended party, but she was scared I'd think her and her guests were just "silly little girls." Naturally, I was the first to arrive at the party. Her friends were mainly Brazilian community college students. When they think of partying they think of drinking three shots of tequila and dancing. And when they think of dancing... Well how do I explain this? When I think of throwing a baseball I think of an arm based action. When they think of dancing they think of a butt based action. So the Brazilians arrived, dancing commenced, and Timberlake blasted into the wee hours. I had a class to teach in the morning and was in bed by 11; but word of the party has spread to the boys in New York, and the next time we make party we may include a recently divorced contingent to the usual mix.

Red Sox Senior Epidemiologist (Unofficial)

Tito chose to sit Mike Lowell to keep his intestinal bug from sweeping through the clubhouse. We here at BFC couldn't agree more. Quarantine can be the best form of medicine.

Could it be that Baltimore is entering a neoclassical phase? Well, a repressed but lovably quirky Pakistani-American friend of mine was awoken the other night by the sounds of a woman crying out in pain, she thought. What did it turn out to be? You guessed it. She peeked out the window and saw an interracial homosexual couple doing it by the light of the street lamp. I asked the woman if she woke up her husband, and she said, "No, we're in a fight."

Remember boys, this aint 21BC anymore. Be safe.

Buchholz (Bonzai in German, archaic)

Check out this scatter plot of Buchholz's pitches in his no-no. It may say more about the Red Sox fans who made it, than our pitcher but nonetheless it's cool. Note to Schilling: never shake off Varitek. Thanks to ws and ar.

BFC as Wine Sommelier

BFC: I converse with the wine through taste and smell. [BFC takes a healthy sip from his wine glass, shifts the wine between his cheeks like a tennis ball bounding between courts. Then he swallows deeply, darkly, deeply. BFC emerges from a trance like state and speaks again.]

BFC: I also listen to the wine.

BFC: [BFC turns his head and presses his ear to the wine glass. He then lowers the glass and faces you again.] The wine says the beauty of this evening is matched only by your own beauty.

BFC: [He presses his ear to the wine glasses again, and again he looks up.] The wine says one of your breasts is larger than the other, but I find them both stunning, especially the larger one.

BFC: [Again he listens to the wine and looks up.] The wine says you have an illegitimated half brother from an affair of your father's 32 years ago. Don't worry, your father extricated himself from the relationship, and the young mother never tracked him down. Your half brother is a carny, not a performer, but the guy who puts up the tents. He is quite respected in his field.

Things are looking up

Julian Tavarez has given up only 3 runs in his last 12 innings of starting pitching. The Red Sox are 7 1/2 games up, and most importantly the Mariners are 2 games up on the Yankees in the wild card race. I've never had a second favorite team in baseball, but I'm warming up to this Seattle team. Seattle is a fishing town and it's not their fault they are on the inferior ocean. This years playoffs may cause me to search back for this post and destroy it, but as of now things are good. I'm also on my honeymoon.

Pro Bonds

It's simply a historical fact that Barry Bonds hit more home runs as a professional baseball player than anyone, and that's the beauty of records: they are simply historical facts. It undermines the game to allow juicers to take records, but to debate legitimacy of records undermines the elegance of the sports record to far greater peril. Records are nice because they're totally non subjective, and once you introduce subjectivity you open up a whole field of futile debate over who played against whom on what, when etc. Babe Ruth never faced a black or Latino pitcher; can you adjust for that? Ted Williams spent his prime fighting in WWII; can we add homers he would have hit had the Japanese not bombed Pearl Harbor and Hitler not tried to take over Europe to Williams' career total? Can I adjust my resume for being lazy?

T4

I just picked up my phone and it was a voice mail calling me. I believe cell phone voice mail has become self-aware and taken on a snotty attitude.

Awesome baseball graphic

Check out this graphic on nytmes.com while it's up. It's awesome.

Julian Tavarez Reaches Zen-like State

Julian Tavarez, the Red Sox's sometimes starter, sometimes long man, has gone from infamous headhunter, nut bag to serene gentleman. He started last night for the Red Sox after not starting for two weeks, and put in what the Worcester T&G called a "gutsy" performance. After the game, Tavarez thanked Francona for the opportunity and said he’ll be ready to start again on 30 minutes’ notice. “Just rub on some FlexAll or Bengay, drink a little coffee, and I’ll be ready to pitch,” he said. “A lot of guys would say, ‘Oh, I haven’t pitched in two, three weeks. I can’t do it.’ I don’t put those thoughts in my head.”

I am now in my spot at work drinking coffee while covered in Bengay in honor of the outing.

The Controversial Closer

Many baseball fans who consider themselves among the Billy Bean, Bill James crew--the thinking fans have pointed to the over emphasis on the closer in today's game. To large extent they are right of course. They note that runs scored in any middle inning are equal to runs scored in the 8th and 9th, and therefore there is no reason to save one of your best pitchers for the end of the game. I'm not so sure that's entirely true. Due to the large luck component in baseball many games will be blow outs for one team or another. No matter who you have pitching your going to lose by 4 to 5 runs due to bad luck alone and there is no point in having your best guys in during a bad luck game. From the pitcher's point of view, the luck component is even larger because it encompasses how his fielders preform and who the team hits. However, as a manager by the 8th and 9th you have a pretty good idea if you're having a bad luck game or not. Saving a good pitcher for close games may allow you to keep from wearing him down in un-winable games.

T&G

I've been campaigning for a while to get all my Sox fan friends to switch to Worcester's T&G over the Boston Globe as their source for Sox news. If any more evidence is needed I submit this article. It's insightful, fact filled, and there's even a public health metaphor.

Lickers

I feel as though if the envelope were invented today we wouldn't lick it to seal it shut. I enjoy the taste of envelope glue and am thankful that the envelope came of age at a time when licking things was perfectly normal. In those days people were going around licking everything: light posts, door knobs, the handles on urinals. It was the non-lickers who were the odd ones. Yep, if you didn't lend a tongue in licking the city clean you were considered a hygiene risk.